The governing force of the Italian people isn’t the Pope or the actual government. No, it’s a social norm that dictates how to dress, host, and behave in public and in social interactions called Bella Figura. Bella Figura literally means, “a beautiful figure.” The blog, Eye in Italia, wrote this about Bella Figura:
“Bella figura can mean many things, but at its core is presentation…how one looks, how one comports oneself, how one makes the best possible impression in all things. That such a concept is hardwired into the Italian psyche is no surprise: what else could be expected from a country that’s been creating beauty for centuries? Beauty is revered in Italy, whether expressed grandly through art and architecture or more simply by the perfect cut of a suit. Bella figura goes well beyond image, visual beauty and presentation…it also is defined by behavior: knowing how to properly and graciously interact with others in any social or public situation. Exhibiting good manners, tact, and gentility is an essential component of “cutting a beautiful figure”
The opposite of Bella Figura, is, of course, Brutta Figura. Carol King, in an article for Italy magazine, wrote,
“A brutta figura could be doing something that reflects poorly on your family: bad mouthing or complaining about a family member in public, even if it’s with some valid reason, is frowned upon and makes for a brutta figura. Equally, it could be inviting someone to dinner or a function that’s ill organised, or it’s when a politician makes a gaffe that reflects poorly on ‘la patria’ and embarrasses the nation in front of the rest of the world.
What’s tricky is when the desire to have a bella figura means people are too embarrassed to make a mistake. For example, Italians may be able to speak English but often are too afraid to open their mouths and have a conversation in case they fumble over their words. Yet anyone knows that to learn to speak a language is a process of trial, error and occasional funny moments when someone uses the wrong word, pronounces something in an incomprehensible fashion, and so on. Such reticence to make mistakes also strangles innovation in a country that has been traditionally known for its creativity: who wants to try something new and face the brutta figura of failure?”
Personally, I’ve always struggled with the entire concept because frankly, I have a very difficult time giving a shit about what strangers think of me. I like to dress nice, but sometimes I’m crampy, tired, sick, or too busy for heels and a full face of makeup. As a writer and storyteller, I can’t worry about what people think. If I spent all day worrying about upsetting Maria down the street or Lorenzo from the market, it would be impossible for me to get anything written. I’m also, and this might be obvious to ALL OF YOU, an open book. If you meet me in person, I will tell you everything about myself, my life, my flaws, and every dumb thing I’ve ever done since birth. I have a hard time connecting with people if I can’t be open and honest and it doesn’t occur to me to filter myself so that I look better or more impressive. And why would I want to talk about the weather when I could be asking you prying questions about your divorce? I want to talk about the real shit, not about your lasagne recipe (I love lasagne but I really don’t want to know how you made it unless you’re giving me a cooking lesson).
My husband, however, is like bella figura in carnet and this has always been a struggle for us. He’s always dressed perfectly, is gracious and polite, and will always put manners before his own comfort or even his own beliefs at times. In order to make a good impression, he won’t give his real thoughts or opinions on topics. He’s constantly embarrassed by me. Example? We went to yoga yesterday and while everyone was seated quietly waiting for the teacher to come in, I was doing a series of very weird stretches and whispering to him,
“How do I get more bendy?”
His eyes darted around and he was like, “Dude! Can you just sit down and stop putting your leg up like that!”
I rolled my eyes, “No, I want to get bendy, damnit.”
Some love it, some hate it, but regardless of how you feel about it, it’s crucial to understand it if you plan on spending a lot of time in Italy and you’re the kind of person who wants to make a good impression.
Examples of Bella Figura:
- Looking your best at all times. That means approaching every day as though you’ll be on a catwalk.
- Saying only positive, sweet things about your partner, parents, etc.
- Succeeding in a way that makes your family look good.
- Throwing a successful event in which all guests were pleased and things were organized perfectly.
Examples of Brutta Figura:
- Complaining about a family member or partner at any given time to other people.
- Getting drunk and barfing in public.
- Throwing an event that isn’t organized very well or where you do something that’s considered tacky (giving less money to a bride and groom at their wedding, than they gave to you at yours, for example).
- Showing up to an event dressed inappropriately.
