Are Italians Good At Sex?

Sunday Dinner in Sicily

Sunday Dinner in Sicily (Photo credit: Christina Saint Marche)

I was just looking at my stats and aside from things like, “zebra sex” and “Italian mother in law good sex” and “kill that nanny with a pan” one of the most common search results to bring people to this blog: Are Italians Good At Sex? What are Italians like in bed?

I haven’t been with all of the Italians in Italy to make a scientific assessment, but I do hang out with a lot of them. I can give you the rundown based on things I’ve heard from people who have slept with Italian humans or from talking with my friends in general. If you have a personal story to add, please put it in the comments below. My world is obviously small so I’d like to know what everyone else thinks.

1) My experience: My husband was sickeningly romantic and confident and that totally did it for me. Think, holding my umbrella in the rain, cooking amazing meals for my friends, singing and dancing to old Italian classics. He left poems on my dresser in the morning, he took me on adventures (notice how all of this is in the PAST TENSE. Where’s my fucking romance FRANCESCO!?). He was also kind of creepy and intense, i.e. chasing me through a piazza with a guitar after a fight and telling me sweet/creepy shit like “you’re mine.” That totally weirded me out in a sexy way and it won over my lady parts. Anyway, he has a gross following of European women (who I’ll beat to death one day) who are weirdly obsessed with him so clearly the romance stuff works for many.

2) The categorization of “girlfriend material” and “one-night-stand material” is present but where an American guy might treat a one-night-stand like a prostitute (because they were raised by monkeys, apparently), Italian guys still usually lay on the sweet stuff. My guy friends, for the most part, are reputed as being uber slutty. However, I’ve yet to see them treat any of their “conquests” poorly. There is usually drinks, a bite to eat, sweet-talk, holding hands, stroking their hair, coffee in the morning, lounging in bed. It’s a process. The downside to this is that American ladies might see the sweet gestures and think, “He’s super into me!” But he totally isn’t. He’s still doing the “wam bam thank you ma’am” but in a slow, dramatic, Italian way. “Thanks for lending me your vagina! Let’s take a break, coffee anyone?” So, if you’re in Italy just to sample the men (there’s nothing wrong with that, women’s lib and all that!) at least you know that it will be a full experience, like having a male hooker for free, I guess.

3) Are Italian Men Good At Sex? All guys are different in every culture so I’m sure there are some Italian guys that suck in bed. However, very few cultures in the world do pleasure like the Italians and in my experience that absolutely transfers into the bedroom. A few of my friends that have “done it” with Italian guys have walked away delirious, whispering, “best sex of my life,” with a stupefied grin stamped on their face. The consensus from women I know is yes, Italian men are gifted in the bedroom department. Their reasons are usually similar, the guy took his time, he was passionate, made her feel amazing and important, excellent kissers, soft, sweet, sincere. Their direct competition is the French, who are also reputable lovers. I do have to add though, that one of my dear friends said that she finds Italian men to be too egocentric for good sex and after the initial hookup they become very self absorbed. So, keep that in mind I guess.

4) Italian women? I have one guy friend who has been very “multicultural” in his sex life and he said that his best sexual experience was with an Italian woman. However, he’s the only one that I know who has given the Italian ladies a rave review. The church is very, very strong in Italy and from what I understand the women tend to be a little prudish. Also, if you stick your willy in an Italian woman, supposedly, you have to beat her off with a stick or marry her. This is what I HEAR from guys, I haven’t had sex with any Italian women so how the hell do I know? I’ve asked a few of my Italian female friends to write articles here because I want to know what they think about the whole thing. My husband said that Italian girls are “too weird, too clingy, too desperate to marry and they are brainwashed to constantly try to please the guy so they don’t seem to enjoy things for themselves.” Although, I feel like even in the US women can often get too focused on making sure a man is happy to “keep him” and they’re not demanding enough. So, there’s that. Italian guys, or girls who like girls, what are your thoughts? Give me your experiences below.

5) Are Italians cheaters? Yes. Statistically, yes, the infidelity rate in Italy is very high for both men and women (but slightly lower for women, also, don’t flip your shit Italians, I didn’t create your statistics), however, it’s also very high in France and a number of other countries. It tends to be lower in Anglo Saxon/ Celtic cultures, but not by very much. If you’re worried about getting freak-nasty with someone and them cheating on you, just put a GPS chip in their pocket, it’s totally not crazy at all and they’ll probably be thankful that you’re tracking their every move. Technology fixes all problems.

6) How do I make the sex on Italians? I get asked this question a lot from young guys studying abroad. I guess the same way you make sex with other people. You just pull down your pants and gesture towards your privates until something happens. Just kidding, that’s happened to me twice and I didn’t have sex with them, I ran away screaming, “WEINER! WEINER!” (that did happen). It’s the same as having sex with anyone. Go somewhere with locals, ask them out, be nice to them, and maybe it will lead to sex and maybe it won’t. That’s pretty much the gist of it. I’m unaware of any secret tactic for getting laid in Italy. Chase them with a guitar? Stop being a wuss and just go ask someone out. Here’s what NOT to do, don’t just write your number on a pad of paper and drop it in front of them while they are eating at a Mexican restaurant. Also, don’t sharpen knives in the Turkish Kabob store while you sing someone’s name. Don’t talk about your mother and how she does your laundry, and don’t walk up to anyone in a club and casually rest your privates on their leg while they dance. Nobody likes that. NOBODY.

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40 thoughts on “Are Italians Good At Sex?

  1. The Italians women vs straniere always makes me laugh. I’ve heard from every guy friend (and fiancee) that they prefer foreign women because we’re not “nags” and not obsessed with not eating, worrying about cellulite, getting married ASAP etc. On the flip side, I’ve seen many a friend go from their foreign ‘fling’ to marry a ‘traditional Italian woman’. What used to get me riled, though, was the notion that ‘foreign women are sluts’. I have since discovered though my guy’s friends that many….many Italian women are REALLY uninhibited, fuck around just as much as “straniere’ but are able to “play the role” of the nice, traditional future baby mamma much better. I’ve had to sit through dinners in which American women are bashed left and right, while I wanted to scream “oh? and those photos of you banging 3 Greek guys at once on Erasmus isn’t the same “shame”??!”
    Ok….rant over.😉

    • I think a lot of that is friend and family pressure. Honestly, my husband would have been A LOT better off with an Italian wife. Sure, he loves me and we have a great relationship but it’s in spite of all of the difficulty. He’s southern, and I’m expected by the entire village to play a role that I simply will not play. I refuse. That causes him a lot of problems, stress, and sooo much gossip. With our family I expect more boundaries, with our kids, when we have them, THAT will be a dramatic amount of bullshit, I can understand why they don’t marry out. The cultural differences in marriage are very, very difficult. A lot of my husband’s friends always tell me, “I’d be lucky to find a woman just like you, fun, honest, open,” yet, they usually date Italian women (and then complain that they are too naggy, etc.). I think they just want the best of both worlds: Familiarity and tradition, with women’s lib. LOL. What Italian guys really like about American women is WOMEN’S LIB. Our women are highly educated, bold, aggressive, and really chill (because it’s not our job to mother our boyfriends). I believe that Italian women are those things inside, but they’re not allowed to act on it or they’ll be shunned by the family, their friends will judge them, etc. It’s a country of sheep (because fascism taught everyone the importance of being the same, thinking the same, etc) and so being the black sheep is very difficult. Where American culture focuses on individuality, they focus on “fitting in.” But I’ve experienced ALL of what you’re saying. My husband was so embarrassed that I was American that he used to A) tell people he didn’t really like me (you mother fucker) or B) lie and say I was “persian” which I am ethnically but I was born in the US of A. He was so scared that everyone would judge us for my nationality. It’s sad, really. Also, some of my Italian friends (the women) sleep around A LOT. The difference is that they lie about it LOL. Where we’re kind of like, “yay sex, whatev.”

  2. I can totally back up that italian men are romantic, one was successful in scoring a date with me whilst trying a smooth pick up in Twice nightclub by promising me he’d cook me the best risotto of my life. True to his word, he arrived to my place with every single ingredient required for the 3 course meal he was going to prepare me. So i kind of felt obligated to repay him.. in the bedroom department he totally sucked, however i’ll give him points for being all romantic with his words. Another one, whilst backing out of the bedroom after a hot wham bam moment was promising the world to “amore mio!” even though he hardly knew me. There was even an occasion with a beautiful bar tender who promised me “un massaggio” whilst standing behind me during an aperitivo kneading my shoulders, this one was a true romantic lover with his tender touch, however after several dates, as i arrived to his apartment one evening, he revealed he had a girlfriend of 4 years. When i ran for the door, he grabbed me & tried to convince me that it wasn’t MY problem to worry about.. it was his!!
    Besides being romantic Romeo’s however, i would definitely not put them down to being the best lovers in the world, in my opinion & from experience they tend to be more concerned about their own satisfaction then amore mio’s..! Just sayin😉

    • That’s exactly what my friend said. She said that Italian men are too selfish to be good in the sack. “They know how to get you into bed but can’t perform once they arrive there,” she said. I lucked out, so I don’t know…

      Your experiences are awful though (but also really hilarious and I’m so glad you shared). Those guys need to be smacked around a little.

  3. Interesting!

    I haven’t had sex with any Italians, but I did spend just a couple days in Rome and was followed and/or stopped randomly and asked out or “to fuck” by 3 men in that time. I politely declined because I had a hot-blooded Irishman waiting for me back in Ireland. I was also pretty creeped out by the following and blunt tactics.

    In Ireland, all my success came from bars. At a certain point in the night, everyone is drunk and dancing and if you want to hook up, you can probably find someone. The Irish girls, though, seemed to dress like streetwalkers. It surprised me, and I had to up my game. You didn’t get noticed if you were out in jeans.

    • Ugh, that’s just gross. Italian men think that all foreign women are just dying to get nailed by them. They don’t approach Italian women that way (or they’ll get punched in the face). I laughed out loud reading this though. LOL. Thank you!

      • Yeah, I think there’s definitely that stereotype of Italian and French men being great, romantic lovers at play there. And that American women on holiday or traveling/whatever will have all of the sex. That’s why I think it’s interesting to hear about different people’s experiences!

      • I can confirm you, I’m italian, we all think stranger women are easy, but not because of them, simply because italian women are extremely hard!

  4. I find this article very interesting. I live in South and did few travels abroad. During this travels I understood that some girls have a good idea of italian men. I had the fortune to know some foreign women. Sometimes is easy to court, sometimes not; sometimes you go to the end ( bed), sometimes no. Unluckily there aren’t many tourists in my city. Anyway I must say that I had more fortune with foreign women. Maybe because they live in a country where the church is not strong like in italy, or maybe because they are in holidays and are more open, or maybe because they are attracted by italians.
    About american woman, I grow up thinking that they are beautiful, tall, long hair like in some movies. A part of american girls that I knew were so.
    About the romanticism: about me I like say or write poems or sweet things. I must admit that I was most appreciated from the American women rather the italians. Maybe americans are more romantic than italian. I also know some american women that are married with italian men.
    About me I like the idea of marry an American women. Why? the American women that i knew was physically better then italian woman that i knew; the American women are more active then italian women, more active, enterprising and less biased.
    Of course not all italians and americans are the same. For me the best is an american girl that love Italy because I think that they appreciate my country more than italians.
    I hope that you like my point of view

    • This is really insightful and interesting. Thank you for giving us your side of things! I’m always interested to know how Italian men view things and how Italian women view them. Obviously, as an American I only know how to see things as an American and I think it’s very important to hear both sides. I appreciate your feedback. Where do you live? My husband is from Casino…

  5. Hello,

    I’m an American woman ‘of a certain age’.  I’ve had ‘relations’ with 2 Italian men – let’s just say I’ll be much more careful before even considering another try with an Italian man.  The were both very romantic until the deed was done then they got nast,impersonal  and disappeared.  Awful. Really awful.   I’d think it was me but this hasn’t happened to me with American men.  So, that’s probably more information than you need about my sex life since we’ve never met but the subject of Italian men as lovers gets me hot…not in a good way!

    All the best, Helena


  6. Hilarious!

    I haven’t been with any Italians, but I find that #2 tends to be true of Europeans in general. They will certainly have flings and not want anything more than that, but they use words like “romantic” (which would scare the crap out of my American guy friends to say to a fling; hell, it’d scare half of them to say to a girlfriend) and cook you dinner and give you a back rub and aren’t afraid to take you out with their friends.

    With American guys, it’s like they’re going “shit, shit, shit, she thinks I like her” the whole time and thinking about their exit strategy; it’s extremely tiresome and usually gets them nowhere. European guys are nice to the women they want to sleep with and they don’t assume that every woman who takes her pants off has some insane desire to hog-tie them and marry them on the spot.

    • Totally Agree. Italian guys make a romantic art out of even the most casual sex/hookups. It was incredibly refreshing and delightful for this American woman to discover. I’m not naive about the over-the-top romance being anything other than romance, but it sure is nice. A woman needs to feel safe and respected to really relax and let go sexually, and these fellas have that one in the bag.

      And as for “boyfriend material/’real’ date” guys–Mamma Mia!!!! The romance is in overdrive and i love it.

      American guys doing the hookup/omg-now-she-wants-to-marry-me thinking thing are only flattering themselves and taking a lot of the pleasure out of one of life’s most pleasurable activities.

      Of course men are men the world over, but for me the Italian packaging and delivery system wins hands down! American guys should take a page out their book, they would have a lot more sex.

  7. ew, honey, it depends where you live. Here in Friuli it’s different, but maybe it’s because of our “mitteleuropean” culture. South and Central Italy is different.

  8. Pingback: Misogyny And This Asshole Giovanni From Italy Is Educating Women On Infidelity #yesallwomen | Living In Italy.Moving To Italy. Loving In Italy. Laughing In Italy.

  9. Okay so here I am again still stalking your blog and leaving my second comment because somehow clicking link after link for the past 25 minutes is proving far more entertaining than the actual productive stuff I should be doing.

    My boyfriend is Italian, but a northener, so he’s cute and romantic as hell and passionate and shit, but he says definitely not to the same extent as southerners (thanks to them, he says, girls all around the world think we’re just hot guys with permanent boners who use romance to get into their pants).

    So yes, sex is good, he loves it, i love it, we love it, but something to take into account is the… well, size. (In a good way). Is this a general rule? Are Italian guys generally well-endowed or am I just lucky?

    • I suppose you must be more specific. What is well for you, couldn’t be for another one😀
      Anyway I’m from south italy: what your boy thinks is rude and little bit racist. Also in north there are rude people as in all world . Generalize is easy.

      • In all honesty, it’s actually strange that he says that Italian women are prudish. I’ve noticed the opposite. Although, something that I’ve noticed is that all of his friends have all slept with the same women. Honestly, I don’t know how you can say a woman is “prudish” or “closed” if she’s slept with you and all of your friends…no? I’m not being judgmental, I think that women should have sex with whomever they want and enjoy it. But, it’s odd to call women “prudish” even if they’ve slept with everyone you know…no?

      • Hahaha good point Valerio Dipaola. And what he says about southerners is just a joke obviously, he knows that Italians’ good reputation of being passionate and romantic comes mainly from the South.😉

        And from what he and his friends have told me, Italian girls are not prudish at all, they also sleep around as much as the want to (as they damn well should), but they don’t talk about it as openly as I do, they’re kinda worried about mantaining the façade, I guess.

  10. Point #2 is so true! I can say I hooked up with italian guy and point #2 was happened on me. They are very sweet talker and I thought i was very nice guy! (Shame) Never ever try to tell your story to him unless you are ready to get no respond. the only thing on their mind is how to take off your undies.

  11. I think the idea that “foreigner/tourist”s are looking for a hookup is a universal thing. I live in Asia and we do tend to think that way, and I have witness some cases too. Also, being an Asian girl, you are sort of a walking target everywhere you go. Whereas in my own country, you are the most ordinary person to walk down the street- nowhere near to being a distinctive individual.

  12. I had what I believed was a 7 month relationship with a guy from Milan. We had great chemistry but I never had an orgasm with him. He usually came, but I wish he helped me get there more. Unfortunately I gave him my virginity and I don’t think he respected that at all. I found out he was fucking a 50? year old woman on the side and maybe another blonde 20? yr old. I think I was the main girl but I have no idea how many other women he had on the side. Grr I feel like he tricked me into thinking he was genuine and honest. He was shocking. He did cook for me and kiss me and hold my hand at the beginning but all that sweetness seemed to fade away. I didn’t feel like he really appreciated me at the end, I felt used and disrespected. They’re really good at tricking you into thinking they’re faithful and sweet when they’re sex crazed jerks.

  13. love this, a great and very funny read. i had an accidental date last week in florence on business, i met him during an evening passagiata. he was a lovely, handsome gentleman who bought me a drink in the duomo moonlight — very kissy and a bit handsy after an hour or so of strolling, but hey, i liked it. those lovers in italy making out everywhere near the arno? yes. i was one of them. i let him know early on i wouldn’t sleep with him and he acted all wounded like how DARE i think that, and so it was just like junior high, both of us panting at the hotel lobby where i said arrivederci. i’m back in the states, he is sending me some very lovely texts and would like to see me again in two weeks when i’m back for more work. i think as long as i don’t hop in the sack with him i can keep my wits about me. once i sleep with a dude i’m like an ocytocin robot that is programmed to believe the owner of the penis is my soulmate. i’d like to draw this out a bit for fun but he’s not life partner material. thoughts on how to proceed to keep it sexy fun?

  14. Funny read! The size thing could be true, but I have not sampled enough to really know… (working on it) The 2 Italians I have shared a bed with were very different. Where 1 was one of the most loving sexual partners I have ever had, showing me that hot steamy sex, does not necessarily have to be dirty, the other one was also all sweet talk until we got to the bed room and then he was just concerned about himself. He tried to get me in bed a second time with lots of sweet talk, but I was like: “not falling for that again’… Everywhere I go here I get treated like a queen, like a piece of art. Italians are shameless when it comes to courting a women. And that is nice! It seems to me though that older men are much more theatrical than younger guys. Boys under 30 seem to actually be a bit more shyish, but the older the men are, the more ego they have and the thicker they lay it on…
    About Europeans vs Americans: it seems us Europeans are better at hanging out in mixed groups and sometimes share a bed with one another. Sex is just sex… maybe that’s why we don’t just sleep with someone and then sort of ignore them to not send the wrong message. But this differs from person to person. British men are bad for this too… but then again, they don’t like to see themselves as Europe🙂

  15. You made me laugh so hard. Thank you. Could you please advise on how not to focus on pleasing guys and “keeping them”? I take care of me but that does linger sometimes and I hate it.

    Thank you!

    Edit to get emailed reply*

    • Hmmm, I’m not sure I’m well equipped to give great dating advice. The way I see it, if anyone is trying to “keep” anyone, they’re with the wrong person. The attraction and work to keep the relationship should be equal from the beginning. When I was dating, if my guy started putting in less effort I just told then that they were lazy as shit and we broke up. Nobody has time to chase a lazy man. Obviously, I not saying there shouldn’t be compromise, there should always be compromise, in happiness, etc, but not in the Chase or the “keeping.” Honestly, not giving a shit always worked for me. I realize that’s not easy for most people who are normal. But really, if it’s the right person, you won’t have to try to keep him/her, they’ll want to be kept.

  16. I am an American girl who met an Italian guy while we were both on vacation in a third country. We only had two days to spend together. Maybe because of this we could have been viewed as the stereotypical American/Italian fling. I have never in my life had a one night stand but being in a place of transition in my life and feeling a sense of renewal and letting go after an horrible divorce I decided to give myself permission to enjoy this moment and let go of the Catholic guilt for a moment. He was extremely romantic including serenading me on the walk back after our first dinner date. Never having experienced an Italian man before, I was shocked. I found him to be kind, intelligent, interesting, and handsome. Was sex mind-blowing? No, not the first time, but that was no reflection on him. I was nervous being with someone new and the first time having a one-night-stand (two-night-stand). He was patient and gentle and our second experience was great. The biggest surprise was when he expressed his intentions of continuing our relationship as we were walking along the beach in our last few moments together. I don’t think this is stereotypical of men in general. I always imagine the no-strings-attached sex is what men’s fantasies are made of. And now I realize I am looking like the loose American woman that Italians imagine us to be. Pretty funny. What I thought was a great ending to a very nice vacation may just be the beginning of an international relationship. We have made plans to visit each other. I am planning to spend time with him in Italy in a couple of months and he plans to visit me a couple of months after that. Reading the comments on this blog are scaring me a bit, but maybe it’s good to know what I may be walking into with this relationship. We talk every day. He if very thoughtful and doing things every day to prepare for my arrival. He is trying to hold his mother at bay so we have some time alone. From the beginning he kept trying to re-assure me that his mom is modern. I didn’t know exactly what he was trying to say, but after reading this blog I think I understand. Maybe she just buys his underwear but doesn’t wash and iron them? I will try to keep an open, yet cautious mind as I continue on this adventure.

  17. My ex boyfriend was Italian, and I can attest to the fact he was an amazing lover. The intensity and passion was amazing but outside the bedroom that intensity could be kind of scary. He didn’t take no or goodbye for an answer, and would often squeeze me really tight saying “you’re mine” and I’d think “oh shit”

  18. This whole thread is fascinating. I’m an American guy who married an Italian girl. She was romantic, joyfully uninhibited in bed, and enjoyed frequent sex- which she gladly initiated. She was a little high-emotion, but she was faithful, she loved with her whole heart, and she was also really into getting better and better at giving and receiving pleasure. , And what is it about Italian girls and spectacular breasts? I saw some miracles of nature.
    Before that I lived with another Italian girl for three years. She was also uninhibited, good in bed, and faithful.

    I will say that Italian WOMEN are romantic, and they mean it.

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