marrying an italian

Every once in a while my in-laws come from Cassino to Florence to visit us and stay at our apartment for the weekend. This past weekend they came on Saturday and left on Sunday, a short visit, and I have…

It’s no secret that my in-laws do not  like me. Why? I have no idea. I mean, I know I’m weird, but they hated me way before they had a chance to get to know me. Given the way that…

ME. “If we go to Thailand I get a butler, my own butler, it’s ethical and I would tip them a lot because I’m nice but I get a butler and it says they make you coffee in the morning and draw the drapes, so basically I can be like that ugly girl from Annie. And the butler will do “anything” according to the website so she can read me books and help me plan trips and I can name her butterfly!”

Fra. “You can’t name them.”

ME. “Who fucking says!? I can name her buttlerfly. Butterfly, please make some coffee. Butterfly, does this skirt make me look fat? It’s going to be the best time! We’re going to Thailand!”

As usual I made a huge ass of myself today in our one hour marriage class titled “The Family Crisis.” Actually, it happened before the class even started because I’m that good, but to my defense I’m not the one…