I’ll be the first person to admit that when you live abroad it can be pretty difficult to be fair and avoid putting people into one large category. It’s human nature to group people in a way that makes it easier to understand them, identify them, avoid or relate to them. When your world is confusing you’ll try to make sense out of it in one way or another.
One of the first things that I caught myself doing as I parachuted into Italy was compare everything to my own culture, and figure out how I could fit in. It was especially difficult for me coming from a degree in sociology. People were practically test subjects. Observing cultural characteristics is totally fine, and totally necessary if you ever want to comfortably live somewhere. However, it’s important to avoid stereotypes as much as possible. Stereotypes kind of piss people off, justifiably so. I’ve spent the past five years being stereotyped as, “that probably slutty, stupid American who hates family and love and probably stabbed her teddy bear to death as a child.” Writing a blog about living in Italy can be kind of sticky since I spend a lot of time discussing my experiences, making the occasional cultural and social observations, all while trying not to be too much of an asshole. There is a difference between dialogue, observations, and just being a dick. Even while being conscious of it, sometimes I can accidentally be ethnocentric. It happens. It’s especially rough when I’m away from home, feeling nostalgic, and some crazy lady is screaming at me in the street because MY DOG IS TOO SKINNY, and then twenty old men in the bar are rambling about their hero Berlusconi. It can be really, really, difficult.
So, how do you observe the world around you without stereotyping? What is a stereotype in the first place? You’d be surprised by how many people don’t know the difference between cultural characteristics and stereotyping. I’ve found that people really love to scream STEREOTYPE anytime you say something about their country or culture that they don’t like.
Example: “The number one cited reason for divorce in Italy is the mother in law.”
“STEREOTYPE!”
No, guys, it’s not a stereotype if it’s a reported statistic. Kind of embarrassing, sure, but that doesn’t make it a stereotype. “Americans are ranked as a relatively religious people.” “BULLSHIT! I’m not! Stop stereotyping!” Not a stereotype, among developed countries, the US is ranked as one of the most religious. Surprised? I’m totally not. Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t make it a stereotype, and just because you’ve seen one or two people do it, doesn’t necessarily make something a cultural characteristic, either.
“Americans are ranked as a relatively religious people.”
“BULLSHIT! I’m not! Stop stereotyping!” Not a stereotype, among developed countries, the US is ranked as one of the most religious. Surprised? I’m totally not. Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t make it a stereotype, and just because you’ve seen one or two people do it, doesn’t necessarily make something a cultural characteristic, either.
WHAT THE SHIT IS A STEREOTYPE THEN!?
A Stereotype: “Stereotypes are assumptions based on unfounded ideas about a group, not identifying particular characteristics of a group of people.”
WHAT THE HELL!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL!?
- Culture refers to the “cumulative deposit of knowledge, experience, beliefs, values, attitudes, meanings, hierarchies, religion, notions of time, roles, spatial relations, concepts of the universe, clothing, and material objects and possessions acquired by a group of people in the course of generations through individual and group striving.”
Basically, the difference is: Did you see two people do something and then decide it applied to everyone ever or is there some kind of statistical, learned, passed on, or historical evidence to back it up?
Italian Stereotypes That Make Me Laugh:
- Students often come to Italy and are impressed with Italians magical abilities to be hospitable. Hospitality is a part of the culture, however, that doesn’t make Italian people particular nice. Newbies come and observe everyone through rose-tinted lenses, “These magical creatures, also known as Italians, are so nice, and warm. Every moment around them is like an embrace from a cookie-scented Keebler elf.” That’s a stereotype. Some Italians are extremely nice, others are not, but being a good host is a part of their culture.
- The other stereotype is that Italians are aggressive, feisty, and mean. Not really. The form of communication is different in Italy than in the US. Gesturing is a part of their language, and they have different rules for eye contact than we do in the US so they seem threatening and crazy sometimes but they’re really just talking about pie. They fucking love pie. <—–stereotype. But, they really do.
- Being married to Italian warrants this response from a lot of American girls, “Oh my God! LUCKY! Is he the most romantic person you’ve ever known in your life? That must be dreamy!” Yes, my husband is romantic but I don’t think it’s necessarily because he’s Italian. I have Italian friends who are dating Italian guys who seem to think that “romance” is a public screaming match. There are cultural characteristics of Italian men that Americans see as being “romantic,” though, but that’s for another post.
- All Italian men cheat! This is another common stereotype, although, this one is, unfortunately, a little closer to a real statistic. Infidelity is statistically high in Italy and depending on the source the stat ranges from 67% to into the 70%. Ouch! But, remember, there are a lot of variables to consider in stats and at the end of the day, there is that nice 30% or so that haven’t cheated or at least haven’t admitted it. I’m not saying they cheat MORE than anyone else but statistically, a lot of people have cheated.
American Stereotypes That Make Me Laugh And/Or Cry:
- Culture in the US is relatively abrupt and direct. This has landed us in the hot-seat worldwide. I can’t tell you guys how many times I’ve heard, “You’re very polite for an American. You’re really nice for an American. You’re not that argumentative or loud for an American.” Apparently, our people are viewed as cold, loud, know-it-alls, with a stick up their ass and a narcissistic streak.
- The famous line from my then-boyfriend (now husband F), “I thought you’d be way easier like all of the other American women.” Wow. Yes, my friends, Italians often see us as rabid assholes, frothing at our entitled mouths. When we’re not being the biggest jerks the world has ever seen, we’re humping things. Everything. We’re sex-crazed monsters whose loins are constantly aching for “it,” and when we want it (which is always) we demand it with no apologies. “You there, Guido, take off your pants and give it to me, little furry man-toy.”
- We’re also some of the ugliest people in the world, supposedly. “You’re people all look like basketball players that ended up on the street. Who wears sweats in public!?” If we take regional culture into consideration and our focus on productivity and comfort over style, there’s some truth that we’re not an overall fashion-conscious people in many of the states, HOWEVER, plenty of big cities in the US are fashionable af. New York, San Francisco, Salt Lake City!
- Americans are all obsessed with guns and hate black people. Due to the recent events in Ferguson, my hate-mail has grown exponentially. It’s a result of Italians directly relating the situation in Ferguson with ALL AMERICANS. This is really sad but given the strong presence of the KKK, the recent shootings of unarmed black people, the disproportionate number of black men in jail for petty crimes, and the long, LONG narrative of race-targeted crimes in the US, it’s a stereotype that I can’t really argue against as well as I wish I could. I would say that we have a large emphasis on being PC in the US so we might use less inflammatory language than other countries without the same slave-trade history but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Are all Americans racist? No! Not at all. Still, there are a lot of assholes out there. A little traumatic anecdote about my family and racism: When I was four I said the “N” word in front of my mom (I had no idea what it meant, or where I’d heard it) and my mom slapped me so hard I fell flat on my ass. Then she explained to me that everyone, from every color, is exactly the same, that the “N” word was an evil word, and that no daughter of hers would ever speak that way. She also kindly reminded me that I was brown. Racism isn’t something that is tolerated in my family or in my friend groups. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for everyone. I would also like to point out that Italy is struggling with its own racism right now (the growth of neo-fascim and neo-nazi’s in Europe is scary). So world, all of you, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Ain’t nobody got time for racism.
Ugh. Now I’m depressed and I need a cocktail. Anyhow, what are some other stereotypes that you guys have experienced in your own countries or abroad? What am I leaving out? Has stereotypes had an impact on your life as an expat?
If you liked this post, don’t forget to share with friends or enemies. Throw my bad language at them. That’ll teach ’em!
For More On Stereotypes And Culture: Psychology Today
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Things That Everyone Needs To Be Happy: My Shop Of Badassery
