Sometimes People Yell At Me

A Person Wrote This Comment In Response To 18 Differences Between Italy And The US :

“I live in Italy part of the time and find truth and humor in a bit of this article but it is offensive on so many levels beginning with the grammar in point #2: “pent”: past tense in a present tense sentence; Misty seems to think using the “f” word adds emphasis and hilarity, she would do well to remember what her mother probably told her: people who have difficulty expressing themselves resort to gutter language – lest you think me simply an old prude, let me say this language does add emphasis and is often funny in private conversations but surely people of intelligence read these blogs also. in her “bonus” re freedom she really crosses the line: we do not live in a police state; if she really thinks so she should try writing this in Iran or any other of the true “police states”. if Misty is really so concerned about being “tracked and watched” perhaps she should apply for citizenship in another country where she can work and earn in complete freedom.”

Dearest Shirly (Lest-er),

I’d like to start out by thanking you.  I appreciate you taking the time to inform me of my grammar error in #2, it’s very sweet of you and must have taken precious time away from your preferred hobbies such as eating kittens or punching babies in the face. I take this blog seriously and would hate to let such a thing go unnoticed. I have to admit that I’m elated that there was only one error in that entire list! I’m really starting to get this writing thing! WINNING! Thank you for alerting my readers of my intended use of swear words, too. I DO think that swearing is funny. “Fuck” even sounds funny when you say it out loud. Did you know that “fuck” doesn’t actually mean anything? I recently read an article in Huffington Post about it and I was pretty disappointed.

My mother has given me a lot of advice over the years about the use of “gutter” words and how to use them appropriately. “Misty, if you eat pork, ya gotta cook the shit out of it,” or “you shouldn’t use the word “cunt” unless there’s good reason and someone really deserves it.” I actually didn’t think you were an “old prude” until you used the word “lest.”  Up until that point I just thought you were an asshole.

Also, thank you for noting that many of my readers are intelligent. They are also open-minded, fun, and understand that this is a humor blog. I think that’s why I love them so much! As for my “bonus” that you were so deeply offended by, I feel obligated to inform you that I already have citizenship in Iran, since my father is from that country. I also have citizenship in the United States AND Italy. I’m kind of an overachiever when it comes to citizenships. In my opinion I would have to say that the US is a lot more Big Brother than is Italy. Thankfully, the US  differs slightly from Medieval England and as a US citizen I have the ability to say whatever I want. It’s called “Democracy,” which allows its citizens to say whatever they want, talk shit, and still continue to live there. It’s kind of awesome! You should Google it because you sound patriotic and I think it’s something you’d really be into.



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34 thoughts on “Sometimes People Yell At Me

    • I know, I know. I didn’t used to love it but since living in Europe and making a lot of English/Irish friends it bothers me less. The word only means, “asshole” to anyone non-American and isn’t so caustic. That was a direct quote from my mom and I had to throw it in there if she was telling me I should mind my mums p’s and q’s (since the woman can outswear a sailor).

  1. Well, if you’re not pissing off a few people, then you’re probably not saying anything interesting. And by the way, I like how you’ve tagged the word “fuck” in this post. So I guess it has its own category on your blog? Awesome.

    • Thank you Rick! I appreciate that! I’m sure you can relate as well. Blogging mostly attracts awesome people but there is certainly the occasional shithead. You know, “Fuck” is not a category here but it might as well be. I found out recently that one of the most commonly searched thing to arrive here is, “boobs that suck,” and, “big bootied granny’s get fucked.” Seriously, Google is such an asshole sometimes.

  2. That just made me laugh so hard I got tears in my eyes and then my mascara melted and made them burn. Who do I sue, you or the Lest-er? Oh, and I think it was big of you not to point out the myriad of grammatical errors she made while complaining of your single typo.

    ps. I use the word “lest” a lot, but I also spend too much time reading Dickens and Austen, which I think has made me into an old prude. At least linguistically.

    • ha! Thanks babe! I’m glad I could make you laugh today.🙂 I thought of you when I write this. I was curious what your reaction would be.🙂

      I’ve used “lest” before as well. I majored in lit with an emphasis on modern brit lit so I know all too well that sometimes all the reading just comes out in writing or speech. Lest-er, however, was totally trying to be a classy asshole which didn’t work for a multitude of reasons.

      • I am replying only to tell you that I quoted your mother in a dream last night in which I was calling my mother a cunt. Clearly this means that was a great line (Thank you, M.E.’s mom!)

        Your blog is my favorite!

  3. Thank you SO much for giving me something to laugh at this morning! You posts always make me laugh and I almost sit here nodding my head, thinking ‘yep… I was just saying that to so and so the other day!’. If you ever make it back to Italy, we should really get together! =)

    • Diana,

      Thank you! I’m happy to spread cheer with your coffee and I’m even more happy that you let me swear and kind of encourage it. We’re enabling each other (to be awesome). So, right now it’s complicated because I’m splitting my time between Italy and the US. It will be a few months there and a few months here for the next year. I will be there in a few months though and I’d love to grab some wine (or a few bottles).

  4. Hey Shirly
    So you don’t have to ponder the complexity of my relationship with Misty, I will spell it out in plain terms. Yes, I am a personal friend and since I take my friendship with her seriously, I would never stand in the way of a good fisting if she deceives it, literarily or otherwise.
    But since this isn’t the appropriate place to speak about our creative relationship and sexual gymnastics I will leave you with two links to enlighten you on some studied facts. Clearly you think your opinions of swearing are researched analysis but I take issue on your assumed intellect.

    Finally I leave you with this:
    Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.

  5. Hear ye, hear ye!
    Henceforth, any reader attempting to unnecessarily discourage a blogger shall be dealt with in an individual, dedicated post… with the reader’s name in it…. and tagged with “fuck”.

    Love it.
    (When are we swapping? ideas?)

    • I feel like I should put this on a t-shirt AND as a quote from you in the top of my blog. I just might because it’s THAT good. I wrote back to you in email form. Did you see it? I’m down anytime. Let’s do it!

  6. Hey! I just wanted to say thank you for your blog! I recently moved to Italy and stumbled upon your blog when searching how to survive being an American in Italy. I am so happy I did!

  7. Misty, fucking great response. When I hear people foolishly express the idea that swearing is a result of some deficiency in one’s ability to communicate it really raises my heart rate. Nicki (my wife) and I use “profanity” extensively and with great relish, and we are two of the smartest people alive (lol not even, but we ain’t not no dummies at least). The use of profanity by writers, in my most humble opinion, is sort of like a “get fucked” message to pretentious, conservative bubble-dwellers, and a sign to people that there are MORE IMPORTANT aspects of our language (and our world for that matter) to worry about than the swearing of others.

    • Eric,

      Thank you so much. I love you guys and I couldn’t agree more on all counts. You and your wife (one of my best friends and greatest allies in pure evil and awesome) are amazing, brilliant, and yes you both use colorful language, thankfully. Who has time for all of this anal-retentive bullshit? We’re too busy talking about the state of the world and enjoying great wine while building lifelong friendships. I say more swearing, more drinking and less judgy- judging! This on a shirt for everyone!

  8. Your Blogs just keep getting better, I adore your humour, and especially your colourful, expressive language. In fact, it is my experience that this is compulsory in Italy!?!

  9. Pingback: Cont… My Life In Italy: Our Love Is Like The West Side Story With Spaghetti And Flying Pans | Living In Italy.Moving To Italy. Loving In Italy. Laughing In Italy.

  10. Hey, also, just wanted to say THANK YOU for “referencing” my blog the other day. I am still learning a lot about how this whole blogging thing works and I should probably take a class or something. At first I didn’t know what that meant, but now I understand it better, so MILLE GRAZIE!

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