“I live in Italy part of the time and find truth and humor in a bit of this article but it is offensive on so many levels beginning with the grammar in point #2: “pent”: past tense in a present tense sentence; Misty seems to think using the “f” word adds emphasis and hilarity, she would do well to remember what her mother probably told her: people who have difficulty expressing themselves resort to gutter language – lest you think me simply an old prude, let me say this language does add emphasis and is often funny in private conversations but surely people of intelligence read these blogs also. in her “bonus” re freedom she really crosses the line: we do not live in a police state; if she really thinks so she should try writing this in Iran or any other of the true “police states”. if Misty is really so concerned about being “tracked and watched” perhaps she should apply for citizenship in another country where she can work and earn in complete freedom.”
Dearest Shirly (Lest-er),
I’d like to start out by thanking you. I appreciate you taking the time to inform me of my grammar error in #2, it’s very sweet of you and must have taken precious time away from your preferred hobbies such as eating kittens or punching babies in the face. I take this blog seriously and would hate to let such a thing go unnoticed. I have to admit that I’m elated that there was only one error in that entire list! I’m really starting to get this writing thing! WINNING! Thank you for alerting my readers of my intended use of swear words, too. I DO think that swearing is funny. “Fuck” even sounds funny when you say it out loud. Did you know that “fuck” doesn’t actually mean anything? I recently read an article in Huffington Post about it and I was pretty disappointed.
My mother has given me a lot of advice over the years about the use of “gutter” words and how to use them appropriately. “Misty, if you eat pork, ya gotta cook the shit out of it,” or “you shouldn’t use the word “cunt” unless there’s good reason and someone really deserves it.” I actually didn’t think you were an “old prude” until you used the word “lest.” Up until that point I just thought you were an asshole.
Also, thank you for noting that many of my readers are intelligent. They are also open-minded, fun, and understand that this is a humor blog. I think that’s why I love them so much! As for my “bonus” that you were so deeply offended by, I feel obligated to inform you that I already have citizenship in Iran, since my father is from that country. I also have citizenship in the United States AND Italy. I’m kind of an overachiever when it comes to citizenships. In my opinion I would have to say that the US is a lot more Big Brother than is Italy. Thankfully, the US differs slightly from Medieval England and as a US citizen I have the ability to say whatever I want. It’s called “Democracy,” which allows its citizens to say whatever they want, talk shit, and still continue to live there. It’s kind of awesome! You should Google it because you sound patriotic and I think it’s something you’d really be into.