Francesco received his Greencard on July 3rd 2013 and now he’s obnoxiously embracing American culture. He’s trying to give himself a fancy new “American” name. So far he seems set on Franky I.S. for Franky Italian Stallion because he clearly thinks he’s living in a hip-hop video. Frank I.S. bad at choosing new names, but to each his own.
F: Now I’m American! My name is Frank!
Me. I will not be married to a Frank.
F: Then I’m Francesco!
Me. Actually, come to think of it, everyone is totally going to call you Frank. I don’t know if I can handle that.
F: Well I’ll just say my name is Francesco.
Me. Not to insult my own countrymen or anything but you’d be surprised at how many people will not be able to really pronounce Francesco. Oddly enough, since the US is a country of immigrants. Even good intentioned people will struggle, like my mom for example. So, maybe you do need a backup name.
F: ROCCO!
Me: Because you’re a rottweiler?
F: Ugh. Uhm, France! (Which he pronounces as Franch-eh).
Me. You won’t make a lot of friends with that name.
F. Uhm. Oh! Franky!
Me. That’s even worse than Frank. Jersey shore.
F. Franky Italian Stallion!
Me. Wow, yeah, now you’re totally on to something.
F. You can call me Franky IS!
Me: Franky “is” a dipshit?
F: NO! FRANKY “I” PERIOD “S”! Franky I.S.!
Me: Because you’re moving to the US to work in hip-hop? Really bad hip-hop?
F: I’m moddererfucking Franky I.S. I.S BEACHES! Get out of deh way Franky I.S. In the HOOOOSE!
Me: You might want to work on your accent a little bit if you want to sound gangster. And you should stop watching whatever it is that you’re watching.
F: What accent?
Me: Seriously?
F: FRANKY I.S. GOT NOOOO AACEEENT BEACHES! I like COCA COLA And HUMBOORGERS!
Me: Sigh. You’re not allowed to come to the US.
