F: Berlusconi is running for prime minister again. How the hell is this possible!?
ME: Is it weird I’m not surprised?
F: After all the prostitute scandals and the indictment how can people still support him running? I mean, do you know how much shit has happened IN parlament? See there, those two women he is talking to right now [pointing to youtube video], they were involved in a controversy where they were talking about the proper way to give Berlusconi a blow job.
ME: Really? Gross. He’s OLD, even if he has a new face. Old balls. NOT OKAY.
F: [Confused] Yeah, and people still like him! They say, “oh, well, at least he still gets laid! Because Italians are stupid, stupid people.
ME: Honestly, I think this is just a reflection of your culture. I mean, if you cheated on me absolutely none of your friends would tell you that you’re an asshole. They would just high-five you, and then help you hide it. I know that America has this really shit reputation when it comes to family values, but in my opinion, you guys have the same shit morals, or worse, you just hide it better. In the US, at least, having an affair is a big deal, and friends and family get involved to tell the guilty party that they are being stupid. But here it’s not only acceptable, but screwing over your husband or wife is actually AWESOME. The only reason people don’t get divorced here is for the church, and for their appearance. In my humble opinion, it’s certainly not because you guys take marriage more seriously.
F: You’re right, actually. UNFORTUNATELY, you’re right. It’s a reflection of our culture and how screwed up it is. It’s true, people do treat marriage as a joke here. If your president cheats, he backs out of office and the public shames him. Italians treat politics as a joke, they think he’s fucking funny!
ME: You need a cultural revolution, starting with you. Be the change buddy, be the change. Also have a sharp knife so consider that before being super “Italian”, I’ll use it, then you can sing as a castrato in Rome.
F: [stares into computer monitor]
ME: Chop. Chop.