Guys, we have an emergency situation. As many of you know, F and I are in the US right now. He’s doing an MBA and I’m doing book things. 

However, enough is enough. Aside from Trump, the police shooting black men, and the uprise in outspoken hillbillies, Francesco is starting to scare me. 

I need an emergency jet to get us the hell out of here. My metrosexual husband is getting all “yee-haw,” on me and he needs to be returned to his homeland so he can remember that he’s Italian, superficial, and is NOT capable of mountaineering. We stayed in a cabin once and he considered it “roughing it,” because it was surrounded by trees. It had a jacuzzi. We’re talking about the same guy who screams and runs when he sees a spider. And he asked me if we can bring our pasta maker camping (this is his first time camping). 

Guys, a bear is going to eat him. 

13 thoughts on “Emergency

  1. Smoke always calms down a beehive. Maybe you should blow some cigarette smoke in his face until he becomes docile?

    Sent from Outer Space


  2. He calls you Dude? That’s hilarious! I thought I was the only one who still used it (occasionally call my BF Dude – he’s flummoxed).

    But I’m more concerned that, as an Italian (bella figura and all), he would stoop to wearing cargo pants. Now THAT is an emergency. Get him out of here. And if, god forbid, an Oompa Loompa is voted in, I’m stowing away on your jet and getting the hell outta dodge.

  3. Sorry. Wish I could help. My metrosexual husband thinks he can build furniture now. I told him, “honey, there’s a store for that.” Good luck!

    P.S. Thank goodness we’ll be in Italy on the 1st.

  4. I’m so glad I’m not the only person who is terrified of creepy crawlys!!! I hate my fear with a passion…especially when people make fun of me:/

  5. In my best Richard Attenborough voice…. “The male Italian is a master showman and will morph to please as he yearns to be appreciated by others. When among other Italians, he will perform the status ritual of the Sunday evening stroll. This entails tweezing his eyebrows and wearing his best casual wear to impress other males as they walk back and forth in front of expensive stores. This same male will, however, try to “man up” and “rough it” in a place like the US where men cannot fathom the insouciant brilliance of his clothing and grooming. This often goes badly. Rather than gaining status, he only exposes his innate dandiness”.🙂 Goodluck!

  6. I changed my mind about moving to Italy. If I can’t wear cargo pants, the deal’s off! 😂😜

    Sent from my iPad


  7. Please please please share with me your recipe for making your own soap! I’ve been searching on the internet and there are thousands of different ways, just don’t know which one’s best. Also, my friends think I’m losing it and turning into a hippie Martha Stewart, so hey, I’m not the only one:)

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