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Emergency

written by M.E. Evans August 5, 2016

Guys, we have an emergency situation. As many of you know, F and I are in the US right now. He’s doing an MBA and I’m doing book things.

However, enough is enough,  Francesco is starting to scare me.

I need an emergency jet to get us the hell out of here. My metrosexual husband is getting all “yee-haw,” on me and he needs to be returned to his homeland so he can remember that he’s Italian, superficial, and is NOT capable of mountaineering. We stayed in a cabin once and he considered it “roughing it,” because it was surrounded by trees. It had a jacuzzi. We’re talking about the same guy who screams and runs when he sees a spider. And he asked me if we can bring our pasta maker camping (this is his first time camping).

Guys, a bear is going to eat him.

 

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13 comments

Michael Sheehan August 5, 2016 at 1:15 pm

Smoke always calms down a beehive. Maybe you should blow some cigarette smoke in his face until he becomes docile?

Sent from Outer Space

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Wynne August 5, 2016 at 1:36 pm

He calls you Dude? That’s hilarious! I thought I was the only one who still used it (occasionally call my BF Dude – he’s flummoxed).

But I’m more concerned that, as an Italian (bella figura and all), he would stoop to wearing cargo pants. Now THAT is an emergency. Get him out of here. And if, god forbid, an Oompa Loompa is voted in, I’m stowing away on your jet and getting the hell outta dodge.

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Teresa August 5, 2016 at 1:38 pm

Sorry. Wish I could help. My metrosexual husband thinks he can build furniture now. I told him, “honey, there’s a store for that.” Good luck!

P.S. Thank goodness we’ll be in Italy on the 1st.

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Monica August 5, 2016 at 1:47 pm

Haha, you married a red-neck. An Italian red-neck. But an Italian red-neck with an MBA? Full package dude.

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Katherine August 5, 2016 at 11:59 pm

I’m so glad I’m not the only person who is terrified of creepy crawlys!!! I hate my fear with a passion…especially when people make fun of me :/

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John August 6, 2016 at 3:54 am

In my best Richard Attenborough voice…. “The male Italian is a master showman and will morph to please as he yearns to be appreciated by others. When among other Italians, he will perform the status ritual of the Sunday evening stroll. This entails tweezing his eyebrows and wearing his best casual wear to impress other males as they walk back and forth in front of expensive stores. This same male will, however, try to “man up” and “rough it” in a place like the US where men cannot fathom the insouciant brilliance of his clothing and grooming. This often goes badly. Rather than gaining status, he only exposes his innate dandiness”. 🙂 Goodluck!

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Kevin De Angelis August 6, 2016 at 8:45 am

I changed my mind about moving to Italy. If I can’t wear cargo pants, the deal’s off! 😂😜

Sent from my iPad

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Kevin August 6, 2016 at 8:49 am

Gee, thanks…I just spewed Illy all over my iPad. Worth it though. 😆

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Dreck Baker August 11, 2016 at 10:44 am

You can’t stop him from being awesome!!

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mllefolie August 12, 2016 at 10:29 am

This made my Friday!

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M.E. Evans August 12, 2016 at 12:18 pm

😘😘😘

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Un po' di pepe August 24, 2016 at 10:37 pm

I’m laughing so hard my tummy hurts!

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Mariana September 1, 2016 at 8:32 am

Please please please share with me your recipe for making your own soap! I’ve been searching on the internet and there are thousands of different ways, just don’t know which one’s best. Also, my friends think I’m losing it and turning into a hippie Martha Stewart, so hey, I’m not the only one:)

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