I’ve been getting comments, tweets, and emails asking what the hell happened at the end of my in-laws stay over Christmas and into January. Honestly? I was so busy hosting that I didn’t have time to write any lengthy posts towards the end. However, I did have time for Twitter, now and again. So, here are some of the highlights from Twitter that I didn’t have time to share via blog posts. Enjoy (my pain)! If you get a minute, “like,” the posts or follow me on Twitter. Tell me which is your favorite Tweet in the comments below!
ON FOOD AND FINE DINING….
So far my in-laws hate all food except for Panda Express. And packaged gas station muffins. But I’m the one who “doesn’t understand food.”
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON LANGUAGE LEARNING….
(This was accompanied by my MIL telling me that since learning a language is “so easy,” I must have a “learning disability.” Probably.)
My in-laws have learned one sentence in 2 weeks and are now convinced that language learning is the easiest thing in the world.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON NON-ITAIAN LANDSCAPES….
“It’s so dry! Look! No plants! How ugly!” 234,453 times. pic.twitter.com/2IAzwfwi4G
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON BRITISH THINGS…
Just pulled into the Vegas strip. MIL: “The Excalibur, in my opinion, is an Arab hotel.”
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON APPROPRIATE WINTER ATTIRE….
In Las Vegas we are playing a game where we point at people and scream, “That girl should put on a coat.” My in-laws are winning.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON PUBLIC NUDITY….
We entered the Paris to a girl dancing in pasties and a thong. My in-laws are posing for pictures in front of the dancer.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON ITALIAN GEOGRAPHY…..
MIL (In the Bellagio): But, what is Bellagio? Is it Italian? My husband: wait, what?
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON SEX….
Husband: I’m starving MIL: why? You had a muffin! Oooh! You were busy last night! You have to eat eggs before bed! Husband: oh god…
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
ON AMERICA’S SECRET DREAMS…..
MIL: scusa, but what is Las Vegas? It’s a small Italy. Americans want to be Italian!
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 29, 2014
THANK YOU, JESUS!……
Finally! Vodka! pic.twitter.com/BaCOs9V1dP
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 30, 2014
ON MANIPULATING THE SYSTEM….
Our stay at the NY,NY was a pain in the ass. They lost our reservation twice, etc,etc. F mentioned it and the manager discounted our stay.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 30, 2014
So now my in-laws are scheming to get everything for free. “Let’s go to a restaurant and say the food made us sick!”
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 30, 2014
ON TECHNOLOGY….
My FIL doesn’t believe he can look up his credit card balance online. He has 200 receipts laid out in the backseat with a calculator.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 30, 2014
ON MULTICULTURAL PARENTING…
FIL and MIL: your children can’t be multicultural. No! They have to be 100% Italian! ME: (thinking stabby thoughts).
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) December 31, 2014
MY MIL’S THOUGHTS ON MY DAD’S COOKING (AFTER HE SPENT 5 HOURS MAKING THEM DINNER)…
MIL: In my opinion, Persian food isn’t good because they use too much onion. Uh-uh crazy woman, now it’s on.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) January 3, 2015
ON NORTH AMERICAN CONDIMENTS…
Mil: what’s mAple syrup for? Me: Usually pancakes, or… Mil: In my opinion, it’s for cheese. *returns to table with pecorino and syrup
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) January 5, 2015
Me: You can do whatever you want with it. MIL: In Italy we put it on cheese. Me: Right, Italy, the home of maple syrup. Totally.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) January 5, 2015
ON LINGERIE…
Husband: Where are you? Me: Victoria secret. Husband: WITH MY MOM?! MIL: it’s normal to shop for sexy! No? Me: Wait, sexy? Oh God no…
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) January 5, 2015
TOTALLY UNRELATED WORDS OF WISDOM FROM ME (And the reason I’ll never be a great philosopher).
Karen And I Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Brainstorm Together:
Product idea: Panty shields for yoga pants. Call it, “Labia-be-gone.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) January 30, 2015
But seriously, AmIRight?
Rapper: blh blah pussy poppin’… Me: Look, honey, if something’s popping, you’re doing it wrong.
— M. Elizabeth Evans (@dirtyfilthyME) January 30, 2015
