You’re Either Smoking Crack Or You’re In Love: Happy Anniversary To My Husband

Five years ago I met this twenty-five year old hot boy in Florence, Italy. Two years ago today I married him, the love of my life, the fuzziest of fuzzies, the yin to my yang, and the classy latin accent to my failing eloquence. These two years have seemed like a million..Wait, no, let’s start again. These two years have went by so fast that it’s hard to believe that we’ve already been married for two years. I know what all of you are thinking who have been married for like 20, you’re thinking, “two years isn’t shit, girl!” And you’re right, in the scheme of things it’s not that long but it’s about celebrating the little steps, right? So let’s celebrate! Two years down and sixty+ more to go (depending on whether or not he starts to help around the house more, otherwise it could be any day now). Everyone help me out with a big, “Happy Anniversary Francesco!” And give me whatever marriage/relationship advice you’ve got in the comments below! Who knows, you could probably save my marriage one day.

And now, the sappy part, guys. I really lucked out with Francesco. He really is my best friend, and is such an incredibly tolerant partner. He’s a great husband, despite his inability to clean up his nail clippings and fallen chest hair that peppers our home, and he somehow always puts family first. He effortlessly puts  our relationship before his own needs or his pride, puts our dog before himself, and puts me on a pedistool that I totally don’t deserve to be on (and after wine it’s just plain dangerous). I know I tease him a lot because I suck at feelings but he’s a badass and I love him. As part of his anniversary card, here is a digital promise to keep trying to be better for him:

Dear Francesco,

Thank you for putting up with me. Remember today when you were all, “I’m so happy I married you two years ago,” and I screamed, “HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT ON THE WALL!?” Then you ran away and left me to die. It’s a good thing that I was just trying to scare you because that would have been an embarrassing thing to explain to your friends, that I died because you abandoned me. Remember when you were being romantic and I tried to scare you? And then you were scared? Either we’re both smoking crack or we were made for each other. And also…thank you for laughing when I ruin romantic moments. Thanks for being supportive and always being there for me. Thank you for being exactly the opposite of me in every way so that I could find balance. Thank you for only showing mild concern when I have long conversations with myself in the kitchen, for kissing me every morning before you leave the house, and for being completely and totally immune to my sense of humor that people either get or are totally terrified of. Thanks for not finding me repulsive. Oh, and thank you for letting me buy whatever I want this week in preparation for our trip to NY. And thanks for finally letting me have Dwayne*.  I’ll try to be a better wife this year. I’ll be less naggy, unless you force me to do it then my promise is null. I promise to cook more and take more interest in Italian politics because I know it’s your favorite. I promise to be less neurotic and to work on saying normal people things around your friends and family. Except for Fusco and Leo because they don’t care and have grown immune to my blabbering. I promise to always try, never give up, and never become “too comfortable.” I’ll do my best to love you, forever, until my brain gives out and I forget who you are, or until I die. I hope I die first because I can’t imagine not knowing you. Plus, I feel like I’d also quickly forget about pants and get arrested for indecent exposure.

Til death. Forever, and ever, AND EVER. -ME

*Now you have to let me because everyone read my gracious acceptance letter.


27 thoughts on “You’re Either Smoking Crack Or You’re In Love: Happy Anniversary To My Husband

  1. I have no advice, but Happy Anniversary! (What a great day for it too, my birthday!). You are quite an attractive couple. Congrats again.

  2. Beautiful couple….happy anniversary to you!!
    My husband always said the key to a happy marriage was to wake up every day and think about how he could make my life better. Simple…..but perfect!!
    It served us well. Six years ago…after 15 years of marriage he had a major and I mean a major stroke. He is a writer that can no longer, read, write, speak, walk….etc.You get the picture. The one thing that has made being his caregiver easier is for me to remember all the years he worked so hard to make my life better.

  3. two things (I’ve been married 36 years) – check out World Wide Marriage Encounter weekend – they are international but not sure of what’s available in Italy – also read book “Wired for Love” which talks about keeping a ‘couple bubble’. I’ve read alot of books on marriage and this is one of the best (he has other books too) BTW – beautiful photo of you both – Happy Anniversary!

  4. Happy Anniversary! Read Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin and take his advice about maintaining your ‘couple bubble’. Sometime in the future, gift yourselves a World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekend to learn about their dialogue tools. Both resources have been very helpful to my husband, Gary, and I as we enjoy our 36th year of marriage.

  5. Wah! You made this crusty old babe cry when I read this bit “I hope I die first because I can’t imagine not knowing you.”

    Happy Anniversary to you and your lovely soul mate/husband.

    (Francesco, get off you *ss and help around the house!) Just kidding.

  6. Hey again,
    Nina ( Italian spouse) and I are going on 15 years of marriage. My second, her first.
    I an a retired military officer, read ” anal retentive ” and she is 100 % Italian,expat and now American citizen 😀. We just bought a class B RV and plan to travel the U.S. in the spring. Man, the RV is small!
    This is possible because we have learned how to be ” close” while allowing for a lot of individual ” space”.
    If you want a hint on how to make it last, what I have learned is to lose every argument possible without sacrificing my principals “very rare but it does happen” and when all else fails, shut my mouth, take a walk, have a glass of wine, and chill before I say something I might regret later. I know it’s hard, but taking 10 seconds to consider your next words can make the difference between a 3 year and a 30 year marriage.
    Happy anniversary,
    M. B.

  7. Happy Anniversary! I was compelled to write as it’s my anniversary too (21 years). I asked the crazy guy who married me how he felt after all these years and he said it flew by….exactly my thoughts as well. He’s pretty much my opposite as well, so I think that’s the ticket. That and booze! Congratulations….wishing you many more!

  8. I love you man! Happy Anniversary! yayyy yayyy yaayyyyyy!
    Happy Happy🙂 un abbraccio to you both!
    sorry, no words of wisdom—-wait! I thought of something.
    Let go of grudges (if possible).

  9. We just celebrated two years in august and it hasn’t been all roses. What got us through the exceptionally gory moments is we take out a list we add to every year about what made us fall in love/remain in love with each other. It helps to remind you all the warm and fuzzes before you commit a homicide. Auguri!

  10. Tanti Auguri! My advice (after two former marriages, but I finally got it right) is to not take yourselves, and life, too seriously. Laugh, laugh, laugh! And my parents are an inspiration. They are on their 65th year together and still walk holding hands. I caught them tickling each other in the kitchen the other day. My dad is 89 and my mom is 84!

  11. Marriage is, I believe, certifiably insane. To make oneself that vulnerable to another human being, It makes you crazy. Somehow though, there is some weird pleasure in shared experiences as they accumulate. It seems to make life more real. Advice? Try to look at your partner once each day as if you are seeing them for the very first time. Congrats…great photo.

  12. Thx 4 the post, the blog and the humor ( somehow I totally get it, scary) . Bad ass ppl with blogs end up on my iPad, by chance? Nope.

    Happy Anniversary to you and yours.
    Sept 10 made it 9 years in for us, I’m staying with her (our) wonderful fam in Salerno currently for family obligations. My career in NYC and refusal to just quit my awesome job/ give in, get a family going and move here may have done more damage than can be fixed but I wouldn’t take a moment back. I have completely confused my cool southern Italian family, my wife as well, and yet they still open the door for me, even as the years fly by. Luckily I must have some political skill, not that I enjoy it. I hope your situation improves in that sense but you two have what you need right now and that is each other.
    I think we are just a couple of years older than you guys but this bad ass bottle of whatever will do when I can’t sleep is dedicated to you both. Hope to share one with you two 1 day. I wouldn’t dare post a comment without some help and the fact I’m physically on the same peninsula.
    This blog rocks when I’m in the nobody understands mood.
    Had we been able to live up north as you do maybe things would be different but now her biz is taking off here in Campania HQ and mine in NYC. Salerno, Amalfi coast. . . I get it if you are rich or retired.
    Lots of changes ahead. Will everyone quit asking me what the hell I’ll do here (they’re right – for now). I’ll work this out somehow. Nah, it will work itself out.
    Life is worth living and anybody reading this pay attention. This blog is about two people actually living without the fear of messing shit up. That’s for later. Italy isn’t more than just another part of our small world. It is who u spend your time with that counts.

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