Home stories How Being An Expat Is Exactly Like Sex

How Being An Expat Is Exactly Like Sex

written by M.E. Evans October 29, 2013

1. You meet during a family vacation, in a movie, or online. You like what you see. You dream about being inside of it, absorbing it, letting all that culture and complexity inside of you. A week, a month, isn’t long enough. You need to bind yourself to it forever. You decide to go for it. 

2. You arrive. You’re nervous and you can’t believe it’s really happening. You’re really doing it. Your senses are heightened, you’re excited and scared all at the same time. 

3. You feel amazing. You’re not there yet but you’re close. Everything seems possible, your entire life was leading up to this moment. 

4. Yes, YES, YEEEESSS! I DID IT! I DID IT! HOLY SHIT I’VE DONE IT! I’M AN IMMIGRANT! I’VE DONE IT! I’VE ACCOMPLISHED MY DREAMS AND IT FEELS AMAZING. THIS FEELS SO GOOD I CAN’T STAND IT. HOLY SHIT! 

5. You feel overly sensitive. Tired. There is a wave of mild regret. How did I get here?

6. You need a cigarette, possibly a shot of whisky, and to escape. Thanks for the hospitality! It’s been fun! It’s not you it’s me, I’ll call you sometime. 

And you sneak away with nothing more than bragging rights, high-fives from envious friends, an emptiness, and occasional pang of longing in your loins that you try to ignore, lest it happen again. 

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7 comments

The Travelling Chopsticks October 29, 2013 at 10:39 am

Ha ha ha – I was wondering how you were going to tackle this when i saw the title – and you did it fantastically 🙂 First post i have read today, and a fun way to start my morning 🙂

Reply
M.E. Evans October 29, 2013 at 10:50 am

Thank you! This is what wine and 2 a.m. does to me. I’m glad it kicked off your day in a good way. 🙂

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chirose October 29, 2013 at 8:54 pm

hahaha…so true.!!

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joejoe December 27, 2013 at 6:37 am

dood woman and lovely

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duchessofsam October 30, 2013 at 3:12 am

Too true! I haven’t gotten to the last step yet though-still feels like the honeymoon will never end.

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How To Survive Being An Expat | November 8, 2013 at 1:40 pm

[…] How Being An Expat Is Exactly Like Sex (survivinginitaly.com) […]

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Jennifer Avventura December 6, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Brilliantly hilarious!

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