Having Sex In Front Of The Repair Guy

When I moved to Italy and decided to live the life of an American expat I really didn’t see things going down like this. Alas, here we are! Francesco’s friend from the European Institute soccer team, came over today during lunch to fix our washing machine. (Thank you! You are awesome! So sorry about my dog, I’ll pay for therapy).

In order to fix the machine, first he had to remove the giant mountain of random shit that sat cluttered on top, which included toys that Francesco had banished to the laundry room because of Oliver’s little problem.  As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough. Nothing screams, “our life is slightly out of control” like a six meter high mountain of crap on a laundry machine. My hallway now looks like the aftermath of a hurricane or tornado. I was too busy sorting through the mess to keep an eye on Oliver and keep him away from his banished friends.

The washing machine was fixed in less than fifteen minutes. I made espresso for us which is kind of standard here. Anytime someone enters your home you immediately offer coffee, or some form of alcohol. We were chatting a little and drinking our coffee when we were interrupted by a sound that i know all too well. I turned slowly to see Oliver on his bed enthusiastically humping Mr. Bear. “Oh! He’s playing with his…wait, Is he…?” F’s friend trailed off. Then I gave him too much information because that’s what happens when I’m uncomfortable, “Uh, yeah. He does that all day like everyday. That’s why those toys were in the laundry room. F had to take them away because, well, you can see. That one is his favorite. Well, that one and the pig. And. Uhm. Yeah.” He looked down at his hand which he’d used to remove the toys from the washing machine. We both turned our backs to Oliver and tried to continue talking about how silent is Campo Di Marte with “Heh, Heh, Heh, Heh, Heh, THMP, THMP, THMP” in the background.

Something about this makes me think of Queen.

Something about this makes me think of Queen.


7 thoughts on “Having Sex In Front Of The Repair Guy

  1. Congrats you are a true pet owner! Frenchy humps the life out of her bed and tosses it across the room. Then she breathes heavy, walks around a bit then humps the life out the bed some more. The first few times this happened I felt bad for the bed, she treats it like a “jump off” .

    • Is she fixed? I’m curious because most of the dogs that I’ve had before humped stuff for dominance but they were all fixed. Oliver is the first dog that I’ve ever had that isn’t fixed and he uhm, finishes. Although, he tends to want to hump things mostly when we have guests so it still might be a dominance thing OR he’s just a pervert who is turned on by having company. I’ve also never had a fixed dog who did it so much so I’m wondering if I get him snipped if he’ll chill out or not. If you’re dog is fixed I’m going to just assume it’s a long lost battle and I’ll just have to learn to ignore his enthusiasm in front of strangers.

      • She is not fixed. It was recommended not to until she was over three, which she is now (July) yet I am not sure if I want to. My vet said some dogs lose their spark if fixed when older and if too young they are hormonally screwed for ever. Frenchy does it publicly and privately, at time I have taped friends reaction to her “funtime” because at times it’s priceless. Most of the time is when she sees her bed , which is upstairs under my bed. Then she drags it out and humps it all the way down the stairs with brief intermissions. Now Oliver is letting everyone know he’s a BOSS and he’s probably into voyeurism.

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