One Of The Saddest Days Of My Life

This isn’t funny at all and I’m sorry for posting something heavy in the middle of the work week. So, if you’re already feeling down you should skip around and read something else that you’ve missed this week or google “shark attacks.” That keeps me entertained for hours on end.

If you read my other blog, dirtyfilthythings, you might already know that one of my younger brothers died a few years ago. He’d naively mixed prescribed valium with beer, went to sleep, and never woke up. It was by far one of the worst days of our lives and something that I think about It’s sad to lose anyone but I never really felt so much emptiness or despair as when I lost him. We were never as close as we should have been and there is always some guilt attached to the loss because of that. Anyways, I’m editing a story I wrote about him, and was just reminded that his birthday is coming in two weeks on July 2. I’m thinking about him and what my family and I have learned from the tragic experience. He was so young and he would be turning twenty-six this year. I’ve learned that everyone dies “unexpectedly.” Love the ones you love with that in mind.

Have you lost someone close to you? Did you learn anything from the experience?

8 thoughts on “One Of The Saddest Days Of My Life

  1. My brother died of cancer in 1997. I held him in my arms as he died in our living room. There will always be a part of me that’s broken and sad esp around his bday. My heart goes out to you and I’m sorry that we are members of this club. I learned that the problem is we think we have time. My brother lived every moment of his life chased by a disease he knew would kill him. He did what he wanted and never passed up an experience. That is how I try to live my life. Sending positive energy your way.🙂

    • Thank you for sharing your (very personal) story with us. I’m truly sorry for you and your family. Great way to look at life though, it’s true, the experience really puts things into perspective. I try to take things for granted less because life is short. Really short.

      • ((((Hugs)))))
        when he died, I felt completely alone…now, 15+ years later, I offer myself in almost any capacity to those who have lost a sibling. To honor his memory.

  2. I posted last week, I think it was, about nearly the same thing happening to my girlfriend almost 10 years ago. She was sick & the medication she was prescribed counteracted with her Adderal. She was a month shy of 28 years old. I still miss her, it’s not something I expect to get over completely, you know? It’s more of a hole in your heart to which you become accustomed.

    • That’s terrible! I’m sorry.It never really goes away. Honestly, I had no idea that something good linger for so long. It seems obvious that it would but then again you really don’t get it until it happens. The permanence of it.

      • In my case, I had just moved out (we’d been in New Orleans & I moved to Ohio for school, intending to do the long distance thing for 2 years) a few weeks prior and since she was from Croatia, there was no local funeral or anything I could have gone to. This will probably sound deranged, but when I moved back to New Orleans years later, I couldn’t help thinking I’d run into her and find out that it was all some big misunderstanding. I mean, I know rationally that she’s gone, but… I think that’s just the way it is with unexpected deaths.

        Do you celebrate your brother’s birthday? I still celebrate hers, nothing big but I make a point to go out and order her favorite drink (an Amaretto Sour– which I don’t even like!) and raise my glass to her silently. Sometimes it’s the little things, right?

      • That’s really sad. Actually, you don’t sound crazy at all, I wrote a story about my brother dying and how I kept trying to text his cell for a long, long time afterwards. I don’t think our brains process loss really. No, I don’t celebrate his birthday and to be honest I kind of avoid it. It’s just too difficult and I usually have to be the tough one in the family. My youngest brother and my mother are (understandably) in pieces on that day so I just try to distract myself and keep cool. The same with the day he died. Probably not healthy but wine helps. And writing.🙂

      • I always had to be the “tough one”, too, so I know exactly what you mean.

        I don’t say this on the internet ever really, but I bet you and I would get along really well. Judging from what I’ve read, we have had horribly similar lives.

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